Now I Know I'm Over It
I'm back and it's done. One of the guys doing the informal interview, asked a key, and crucial, question.
"Is your heart still in it?"
And without even realizing it, I said no. It just . . . came out. But then, I think these past few days have shown me that. I don't know why I was so damned surprised. I mean, seriously, I should not have been loosing sleep if my heart truly wanted to go back to my previous employer.
"Is your heart still in it?"
And without even realizing it, I said no. It just . . . came out. But then, I think these past few days have shown me that. I don't know why I was so damned surprised. I mean, seriously, I should not have been loosing sleep if my heart truly wanted to go back to my previous employer.
And this morning, walking there, I should not have been experienced a tightening of the chest. I should not have been short of breath. I should not have felt as though I, personally, was turning into lead with each step that brought me closer to the building where I used to work. Granted, this may have had something to do with what feels like 90+ weather with something like a 1,000 percent humidity.
But I also should not have been sitting there, in the conference room, hearing Charlie Brown's teacher in my head as they talked about statements, responsibilities, expectations.
"WAH, WAH-WAH-WAH, WAH-WAH, WAH-WAH, WAH, WAHHHHHH?"
But I also should not have been sitting there, in the conference room, hearing Charlie Brown's teacher in my head as they talked about statements, responsibilities, expectations.
"WAH, WAH-WAH-WAH, WAH-WAH, WAH-WAH, WAH, WAHHHHHH?"
What Ma'am? Oh, no Ma'am! That wasn't me. That was my dog.
While talking, there was one point where a different voice in my head (Yeah. I know, I have a lot of voices in my head. Sometimes that's how it goes.) anyway, the voice said, "What the hell are you doing here? You don't care about this shit anymore."
While talking, there was one point where a different voice in my head (Yeah. I know, I have a lot of voices in my head. Sometimes that's how it goes.) anyway, the voice said, "What the hell are you doing here? You don't care about this shit anymore."
And it's true. I don't care. The more they talked about settling shows at the end of the night, and other assorted, job-related issues, the more I realized it to be true. Strangely, I felt like a dinghy on a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery long rope floating out over the ocean as I grew further and further away from something that once upon a time used to be my dock; an anchor, if you will.
I guess now I know for sure. I'm truly over the job. It's sad in a way, but I guess the universe, and I, needed to know before the next chapter of my life is revealed.
Perhaps the picture below should have been a sign from the start? It is a picture I took a few weeks before I left for my NYC trip. It made me laugh. I know certain things need to be managed, but seriously now.
I guess I gave you bad advice...don't listen to me ever again. :-) Glad you survived the interview and found one direction you can definitely cross off your compass.
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I can relate to that voice saying, "You just don't care about this shit any more." I get that same sense of boredom and dread, mixed with enormous relief, every time I talk with ex-coworkers or visit the places I used to work. I pinch myself on a daily basis when I think of what I'm lucky enough to be doing for a living. I hope you find joy and fulfillment and success in whatever you decide to do. And thanks for sharing your journey so honestly and eloquently on this blog!
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